A Life of Learning

One of the untold benefits of being housemom is all the things you learn...how much lemonade you'll need for 100+ girls on Monday night, the layout of the light bulb aisle at Lowe's, and how to unjam the copy machine.  However, the best lessons are things you would never guess.  For instance, did you know that chocolate syrup can be used as an adhesive?  It's quite effective too.  How do I know this you ask?  Because this past weekend I took on the terrible task of cleaning the refrigerator.  We actually have two in the kitchen, but it took me three hours to clean one and I was not about to devote six hours of my Sunday to cleaning refrigerators.  That's me being rebellious.  Yep, taking a stand against refrigerator cleaning.  I am so cool. 

Ok, so fridge cleaning.  Before you start imagining a black hole of Styrofoam containers growing green, furry things, let me stop you.  House Dad and I go through the fridge every week after we go grocery shopping so it's never that bad (although it would certainly make for an interesting blog post....hmmm).  The fridge was just in need of a good scrubbing...a seriously good scrubbing....like need some steel wool, an ice pick and some sort of chemical concoction that could melt concrete.  But having those would make my job easy and that's just not ok.  The first rule of the book How to Make a House Mom's Life Hell is never supply House Mom with anything that could make her life easy.  I guess I'll make do with a scrubby sponge and some 409. 

Step #1:  Remove all food items from shelves and drawers.  Most people would be able to get away with just wiping down the shelves with them still inside the fridge.  Again, please refer to rule number one.  I remove all the shelves and take them to the sink.  I scrub and scour and squeeze the sponge into every corner and scrub some more.  Flip shelf over and repeat.  Wipe down the sides.  Rinse.  One shelf complete.  Wait - did I miss a spot?  *Lean in for closer inspection*  Crap, I totally missed a whole side.  Scrub, wipe and rinse.  Crap!  Is that food in a corner?  Scrub, wipe, rinse again.  Perform a 360 degree rotation to fully inspect the shelf and verify that it's clean.  Aaaagggghhhh!!!  Seriously?!  I missed another crevice.  I swear, it took me fifteen minutes to wash one shelf.  For the life of me I can't figure out why there are so many nooks and crannies on a friggin fridge shelf.  It's just more places for little food bits to hide in.

Step #2:  Wipe down the inside of the now empty fridge.  There are more food bits in the bottom of the fridge than you would find in a toaster at Denny's.  Luckily none of them are affixed to the bottom with some sort of unknown sticky substance. 

Step #3:  Remove all five bottles of Chalula, three bottles of ketchup and the sixteen different varieties of salad dressing from the fridge door.  Remove the shelves from the door.  Attempt to remove the bottom shelf.  Hmmm....seems to be stuck....try again....still stuck....manage to dislodge one corner....get on hands and knees to inspect the bottom of the shelf....ugh!  what the eff is that!?...it's dark brown and kind of wet looking.  I finally manage to remove the shelf.  It looks like someone tried to use chocolate syrup like a caulking gun.  Seriously. 

Step #4:  Wipe down all exterior doors.  I am honestly not surprised that there is dried salsa on the side of the freezer door.  I am suddenly envisioning a drunken evening and someone literally sitting in the fridge eating chips and salsa.

Step #5:  Perform one final wipe down and.....DONE!

Well that was certainly exciting.  The fridge practically sparkles.  Get. Er. Done.  I feel accomplished.  My life is suddenly more organized, it has purpose and direction, my greatest aspirations now seem within reach....all because the fridge is clean.  I wonder how I would feel if I cleaned the microwave.

By the way, if you were curious as to the fate of the poor scrubby sponge that assisted me on my epic journey, he led a good life and served his purpose well.  It was a slow, painful and very dirty death that ended with Mr. Scrubby Sponge covered in food shrapnel.  Moment of silence for Mr. Scrubby Sponge.  May you rest in peace...at the bottom of a trash can.